you never know

Captured above is the hypnotic movement of the Mevlevi Order of Whirling Dervishes. Founded in the 13th century by Sufi mystic Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi, the order has preserved the tradition of whirling for 800 years. An expression of faith, the rhythmic rotation of the ancient sema ritual focuses on the relationship between body and soul, man and God, lover and beloved. Sacred music performed live by Turkish musicians enhances the ritual performance. This photo is from the UC Riverside website announcement of their performance.

Years ago as a young woman, feeling wise for my age but with little life experience behind me, I read the Sufi stories collected by Idries Shah. I found them charming, interesting, but I put them aside. Once such story, “Fatima the Spinner and the Tent” was brought back into my awareness several years ago by a dear friend who was attempting to reassure me that my hard work, perseverance, and many and varied interests all fit together into some kind of grand scheme which would soon be revealed to me. Fatima discovers that the challenging experiences in her life are really blessings in disguise, which ultimately lead her to great happiness. Click here for the full text.

Periodically I would return to the story – I understood the concept, but exactly how did it apply to me -- how was I meant to weave together the various and varied aspects of my life into a coherent whole? Frustrated and impatient, I thought the best plan would be to “choose a direction and pursue it.”

Just about the time I thought I might make this big choice, I took that first riding lesson. Initially it was just a thrilling new experience, a feeling of beginning to fulfill a long-time dream. "Try it and see what happens, see where it might lead you" I said to myself … I soon discovered that I had waded into a flowing stream, or actually more like fallen into a river with a strong, swift current, which carried me away, almost against my will – except that I was more than happy to go along!

Already my involvement with horses has brought many facets of myself into perspective. Each day brings some synchronous event, or another piece of the puzzle falls into place, an “aha!” moment, or insight. I know this is a time of grace, where my openness and effort have found some equilibrium.

My sister Carolyn is famous for two stock expressions, spoken often and rendered with feeling in deaf speech -- one of them is “you never know.” You can imagine the multitude of uses for such a phrase.

so i've heard

Growing up as the only hearing child in my family, the oldest daughter with two profoundly deaf sisters has, I know, given me some unique communication and perceptual abilities -- verbal, visual, spatial, kinesthetic and some synthesis of modalities which I appreciate more each day. I have always been the person who can understand the incomprehensible accents and "hear between the lines" of less eloquent speakers. Of course I am ever more curious to discover how this may manifest in my relationship with horses.

I began playing the oboe at age ten when Carolyn was eight and a half and Barbara was just four, possibly around the time when the above photo was taken, and I continued on to earn my degree and play professionally. My sisters always struggled to understand what in the world I was doing...but they used to find it very, very funny as well and would do hilarious imitations of me. This poem attempts to assume their point of view.

A wonderful book by Oliver Sachs called Seeing Voices beautifully describes American Sign Language (ASL) as a complete spatial language and also documents deaf culture and history. My sisters were raised at a time when deaf children were either taught sign language, or they were schooled in the "aural/oral method of communication" (speech and lip reading). My parents chose the latter method. Two deaf children learning to speak and read lips -- they might possibly read my lips, but you can imagine the difficulties reading each others lips. Not only were they not being taught ASL, sign language was not allowed in our house. Needless to say, we developed our own!

Today most deaf children are taught through "total communication," a combination of methods. My sisters grew up to learn ASL, to marry deaf men and bear children with perfect hearing (two each) -- all gifted communicators, who can speak and sign simultaneously. My sisters also developed excellent speech and lip reading skills -- however, despite their fluency in ASL, they are recognized by the deaf community as "non-native" signers.
I continue to try to understand the complexity of my relationship to my sisters, to expression and communication, my place within the family and how it all has influenced my place in the world. An interesting article here, contains an extensive resource list at the end.